My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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