I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
