I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
