Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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