They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
