there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
