sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
