I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is it penis luge time yet?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
