Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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