you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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