she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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