So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
