When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
