I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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