Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
