Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
