i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
