Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
