i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just had sex on a roof
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
