some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
