i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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