Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
All the doctor said was why
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
