she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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