Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
