1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
