I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
