You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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