he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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