Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
