Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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