ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
