We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
