you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Duck Duck Cougar?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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