my phone needs a breathalizer
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
is it fun? or sober?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
