Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i barfeds in our rink
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
