I want to have your abortion
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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