Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
