Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Randomize
