The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
