thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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