i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
