I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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