i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
