Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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