The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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