you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
