it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
