the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
