We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
