my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I fill condoms, not promises.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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