Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
