Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
